Live for Yourself

Note: The text below were my notes for the video, but I talk about some more stuff towards the end of the video.

Hi guys. I hope your holidays were super fun and joyful! Mine were quiet and lazy, just the way I like them.

The title of this video is "Live for Yourself". Before I get going, I want to point out that I'm not talking about being selfish or self-centered. I like being generous, and I love making others happy. However I couldn't do that until I became a joyful person myself. And that's the essence of what I want to talk about. You have strive to make yourself a happy person before you can make others happy. You have to provide for yourself before you can provide for others.

The holidays are a convenient example. I saw a lot of people running around worrying about getting their "shopping" done on time. They were concerned about not getting gifts for all of the people in their lives. I realize that some people enjoy giving gifts, but most of the time when I hear about it, it sounds like a chore: Something they HAVE to do. And if they don't do it, they lose social status. So it's not about giving joy so much as meeting expectations.

I don't participate in any of that. I like giving gifts, but only when I choose to. I prefer to give to people in meaningful ways. I do that by making my life as fulfilling as possible for me, and then making others a part of it. I pursue things that are fun and meaningful to me and invite others to participate in those things. People spend time with me because I enrich them and I make them feel good.  They don't get mad when I don't get them stuff, because they don't have that kind of expectation from me.

Some people feel like in order to meet people, they have to offer something. That might mean buying drinks or gifts. It might mean showing off your financial status with the suggestion that you would spend money on them in exchange for their affection. In Western Society, it's pretty much accepted that a man has to buy a woman chocolate, jewelry, perfume, etc. on her birthday, Valentines day, Christmas, and so on. Your value to a potential mate is reduced to how much you're willing to spend on her. Expressing "love" to a person means buying them something.

If you subscribe to that notion though, you will live a life of expectations. That means either you'll meet an expectation, or you disappoint a person. You're not creating joy. You're just trying to avoid anger and resentment. And you rarely experience real happiness. That happiness comes from expressing yourself and your humanity. It comes from enriching your soul. It comes from trying new things, and learning, and doing the things you love and being with people who appreciate you and living life to the fullest.

Before you start bringing other people into your life, you have to make yourself a person who is worth spending time with (beyond your wallet). Be someone who is fun and fascinating. Do that by discovering things that genuinely excite you. Make your own life joyful, and then others will want to be a part of it. Instead of chasing after people and trying to trick them or convince them to spend time with you, THEY will instead make the effort to be with YOU. You are a person who is worthy of love and happiness. Accept that. Make it true.

I hope you have a lovely New Years. Mine is going to be full of fun and adventure. Till next year!

Kino: Touching Women

Kino is short for Kinesthetic Method, which is a style of seduction - or "game" - which focuses on building a woman's attraction for you via touch. For those in the seduction community, this should be familiar to you. Kino is also used a verb to mean touching women for the purpose of making them attracted and horny for you.

A lot of guys when they first start learning to talk to women focus on what to SAY. They learn various stories and bits and "routines" that are supposed to make the guy seem more interesting and worth fucking. However, if all you do is TALK to women, then there is often little tension. Tension is what gets women excited about you. And your ability to remain emotionally balanced in the face of that tension is what makes women attracted to you. A man who is in control of his emotions, especially when there is tension, in this case social tension, is attractive. Kino is one way of creating that tension, while also making a woman horny for you, so that she will want to sleep with you. And for the Feminists out there I apologize, but the point of my videos is to help guys get laid. Building a lasting relationship comes afterwards.

I used to be a really cocky guy... maybe I still am a bit.... but it used to be over the top. I had a style of arrogant humor, "Cocky Funny" as it's called in the community. These days though I'm nice and affectionate towards women. So what makes me different from your average guy who's nice? That difference is KINO. I touch women. I do so comfortably and confidently. From the first moment I approach a woman, I start touching her. This demonstrates to them that I'm a confident and SEXUAL guy. The way I touch them is the way a boyfriend would touch them. It makes them feel comfortable being with me while simultaneously creating sexy tension.

For guys who are new to this, the idea of touching a woman they don't know can be terrifying. But there are lots of socially acceptable way to touch a woman that won't turn on a warning bell. And from there once you've established a connection you can continue to escalate your Kino. When you first meet a woman, you can introduce yourself with a handshake, letting your hand linger for an extra couple seconds. If it's across a table or something you can do a fist bump, like "yo". If you're in a noisy and crowded place, you can gently place your hand on her back or arm like you don't want to "accidentally" run into her. If you do this, make sure to have a big smile on your face. You don't want to be the creepy stone-faced guy rubbing up on chicks.

Noisy environments are actually good. Maybe you can't hear each other too well, but that's OK. Your Kino is doing all the work. You're close to each other, arms and shoulders brushing. You're talking into her ear, your breath on her neck. It's very hot. The words exchanged are largely irrelevant. Just touch her with a smile on your face, then when you feel a spark, you can move her to a quieter location to get to know each other better. And just in any situation you're in, you can touch a woman to accentuate what you're saying. For example you can compliment her clothing and then touch her sleeve, and then leave your hand lingering on her wrist. Then once she has grown more comfortable with you, you can put your arm around her or hold her hand. Do this incognito so she's not as worried about what her friends might be thinking.

Once you've established a rapport with her, you can get closer, touch her more, and get a more intimate. If that's a topic you're interested in, just post a comment and I'll make a video for it in the near future.

Everyone is Lonely

We've all felt lonely in our lives. Some of us more often than others. We've all felt like people don't really "get" us. We've all felt frustrated because we thought, "if only this person knew where I was coming from, they'd understand..." This is accentuated in relationships, because when you're close to someone, you have an expectations that they should be able to appreciate you, the "real you". But the fact is they're not in your head, so they have no way of knowing how you think and feel at all times.

If you recognize this fact, that everyone feels like this - lonely - and not just you, then you can learn to appreciate them a little more. The reason they don't "get you" is not because they're trying to hurt you. It's just because they don't KNOW you. And likewise you don't really know them. But you can act in a way that says, "listen, I don't really understand, but I'll accept that your thoughts and feeligs make sense to you." That's called humility.

Some people think being humble means being "nice" all the time, putting other's feelings before your own. That's not it, if you constantly put others before you, you will eventually resent them, which is worse down the road. Because not only do they not get you now, but they don't see what you've done for them. They just think you're being yourself and they don't see the "sacrifice" you've made.

Being humble means listening to and appreciating what a person says or does, even if it's not something that you would say or do in the same situation. You have to have boundaries of course. You have to have a line that they can't cross. But for me, there's very few things a person could say or do that would really hurt me. So short of that, I'm willing to listen. If they're angry, they probably feel justified for that anger. If they're yelling, maybe that's just the only way they've ever been able to get someone to listen to them.

Don't judge people. They will judge you, but that doesn't matter. You have to hold yourself to a higher standard. If you want people to make the effort to know and appreciate you, then you have to start by offering that to them first. And that includes forming sexual relationships. You can't just demand sex and affection from a person because it's what you want. However, if you recognize that they need affection, sex, attention as much as you do and you offer that to them without demand or expectation, then you will both benefit.

How to Avoid Drama in Relationships

After taking a little hiatus from making videos, here's one about how to minimize drama in your relationships with women. Leave comments and let me know what other topics you'd like to hear about!

How to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Oftentimes when we talk to people - when we try to meet women (or ladies trying to meet men) - we feel like we're pretending to be somebody else. I think that this develops naturally as we grow older. We develop different personae for ourselves: We have a work persona, a persona for our close friends, a persona for our acquaintances, a persona for strangers. It can feel a little schizophrenic that we have all these different personalities that we've developed for different avenues. In all those personalities we don't really feel like we're being ourselves (except maybe with our really close friends).

It can be difficult to break down those habits and to acknowledge the fact that these people you're pretending to be are not really you. Let me give some examples. I enjoy playing tabletop games: Roleplaying, board games, etc. Some might think it's really nerdy, but I love talking about that stuff with everybody - women or other people. If that conversation comes up, I talk about it passionately. I'm not shy or embarrassed about it. I talk about it with excitement and with confidence. I make direct eye contact and I show clearly that it's something that's important to me that I enjoy. When I talk about one of my hobbies - like tabletop gaming - the person who's listening can't help but feel and share in that passion. It makes them feel more connected to me. Also they feel more comfortable talking about their passions, something they wouldn't normally reveal because they feel it's too personal or they didn't think I'd be into their unique hobby or interest.

I talk about this to women too. A lot of guys feel that women don't want to know about their weird hobbies or dorky love of comic books or anime. But as long as you talk about it passionately with excitement and confidence, she's going to be attracted to you because you're a person with passions and things that matter to you. I've had plenty of women participate or watch me play tabletops games and we always have a lot of fun. When I talk about it I emphasize how it's really cool to connect with a group of people with a shared passion and to have a creative outlet. I express it in a way that explains all the positives that I get out of my hobby. In that way she can appreciate it more. Then they feel more comfortable talking about the things they enjoy, rather than putting on a persona when talking to someone they're not that comfortable with.

In terms of being comfortable in your own skin, you can't be embarrassed or shy about the things that matter to you. You want to express them comfortably, confidently, and without embarrassment. Maybe some people won't be able to understand or won't be able to appreciate that. That's OK. Those are people that maybe don't have a place in your life. It's important to be able to tell if the person you're speaking with and that you could potentially have a friendship or relationship with is somebody who clicks with you. Personally I find that most people that I talk to, when I express myself genuinely and passionately and confidently, they accept it and in fact may develop an interest in it. Because if I'm talking about something I'm interested in, and I express all the awesome and exciting parts about it, it makes them think, "oh that sounds really cool; maybe I want to explore this."

This can be true of anything: A sport, an artistic thing, any kind of hobby. Don't hide those things. They're what make you interesting. So when you meet someone - maybe for guys who struggle to talk with women - talk about what makes you excited. Talk about what DRIVES you. Don't fall on the boring banalities: Hi, what's your name, where are you from. Those are really boring. I'm sitting in a bar and there's a woman next to me, and you know how sometimes bars will be playing random movies in the background. Last time I was in a bar they were playing "Neverending Story", so I just started talking about that with the women I was with. We had a hilarious conversation about it. It's a kids' movie, but so what. I love Lion King and Aladdin and all those adorable movies, and I can recite lines. I used to be a kid and I used to love those movies. And I still do. That's not something for me to be embarrassed about. If I talk about my love of Disney movies, I'm 95% guaranteed that the woman I'm talking with is going to say, "Oh my God I love that movie too!" That's an instant easy connection.

That's something you can bring up at any point. If you're talking to a new woman, there's something about her that will remind you of something like that. Maybe she's got an article of clothing that reminds you of an animal from a movie and you can talk about that. Then it will segway to all the things you liked as a kid, things you like now, and it just builds naturally. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about the kinds of things that pop in your head. Just express them, and if you click, fantastic. If you don't click, that's good to know too. You don't want to waste a lot of time trying to meet a woman who you don't get along with. The sooner you genuinely unleash yourself, the sooner you tell them what you're about - your passions, hobbies, interests, and all the things that drive you - the sooner you'll know whether you and this person click or not.

That saves you a lot of time, and lets you feel more comfortable. It lets you enjoy those connections with people, because you have a conversation that matters to you, that you're excited about, and into. Then they can share their passions, and very soon you're having an actual intimate conversation. This is a great way to meet people: Just really talking about the things that drive you and that you're passionate about. Next time you're talking to someone, a stranger, and you're struggling to connect (you're talking about the weather or something really boring), look around, look at them, see if something in your surroundings (maybe something they say or something they're wearing) reminds you of something. As soon as it does just say, "hey, that reminds me of something kinda dorky, but I want to tell you about it, because it's something cool for me." Try it.

For young people struggling to find their mission

Today's video is aimed towards young people who aren't feeling entirely fulfilled in their lives. These could be guys who have just gotten out of college and aren't sure what direction their lives are going. These could be people who are struggling to find some sort of career or direction or they're living with their parents. These could be folks who are still in college and aren't sure what's going to happen afterwards. Basically any one of you who is at a transitional point of your life. You're not really sure where youre life is going to go and you're struggling to find purpose and fulfillment in your life.

I know usually I talk about relationships and how to meet women, but I think it's important to talk about the reasons why guys pursue skills in meeting women. Often times it's because they're not feeling entirely fulfilled in their lives, and they feel that meeting women will give them a purpose and direction. It gives them attention and validation and helps them ignore the fact that they're not entirely fulfilled in their lives. But spending time with women, having sex , going out drinking with your friends: It's fun, but at the end of the day you'll still feel that there's something lacking. So that in itself is not the solution.

While you're still trying to figure out what your career might be, there's a lot of other ways to give yourself meaning in your life. What you need is a MISSION. Most people think the mission in life is their job and their family, but that's very basic and not even what we're all necessarily looking for. A mission is what gives you meaning, what you find important, what you give back to the world, your purpose in life. Most of us go to school, go to college, get a job, get a family, and we just go through what we're raised to believe is our function in life. We never really analyze it. We never think about what we want for ourselves.
If you're in that transitional period, where you're not sure where your life's going to go, you may be feeling unsatisfied with your life. You're thinking once I get that job or meet that special person, everything will be fine. But that's not necessarily the case, and who knows how long that will take. A mission can be a hobby: Maybe you enjoy creating art or music (I do photography) and you put out something that brings joy to other people. That can be a valuable mission; it's valuable for me.

A mission can be teaching. I'm a volunteer martial arts instructor; I've been doing that for over ten years. That gives me a great deal of fulfillment, and in terms of validation it gives me a large group of people who respect and appreciation me. It helps me feel fulfilled. For example if I meet women, since I have a large group of people who give me that validation, I don't require it from the women I meet. That's an important fact. If you're pursuing women because you don't have any real goals in life and you feel the woman will fill that void, it will put a lot of strain on the relationship. When you have that many expectations of one person, they're going to feel it. It's going to put a lot of strain because you expect all these things, you expect all your attention and validation to come from this one person. Everything you do is going to be wrapped up in this one person, and that's a quick recipe for a relationship that goes down hill. There'll be a lot of jealousy, resentment, and anger.

If you have a mission in life, a purpose, hobbies, friends, a community and you meet someone, you bring them into your life: a life that's already fulfilling. The way to do that is to start exploring yourself. When you're just out of college, or still in school, or living with your parents, or working a part time job, you have free time to explore yourself. Don't waste it watching TV or play video games and wishing something will fall in your lap. Instead, try different things, try everything. Try learning an instrument, try taking a class, try joining a group. Explore your community and surroundings. Reach out to everyone you know and see what they're involved in.

Your mission in life isn't just your job or person who lives in your house. Your purpose can be anything, but the only way you're going to find it is by exploring yourself, really examining yourself, and trying a lot of different things. Some of the things you try you won't be into. That's OK. You're going to expand yourself and develop a lot of new skills. You'll discover what's valuable for you. The point is that even if you're struggling to find a job or career, that doesn't mean you can't use your energy to explore a lot of different paths and avenues. Who knows, one of those hobbies or interests might turn into a career in the future. But even if it doesn't, it'll still give you a lot of fulfillment and purpose. Then when you meet people, women, you'll be able to bring them into an exciting life. You'll be an interesting person, you'll have a lot of motivations, you'll have a lot of purpose, you'll have a mission in life. That's attractive.  That makes people want to be in your life, rather than being desperate and looking for somebody to fill a gap inside of you. You'll be bringing them to a rich fulfilling life, and that will bring them joy and bring you joy.

For you young people who are struggling, keep that in mind. Explore yourself, try a lot of different things, meet a lot of people. Don't get mired, don't get frustrated. Keep pushing yourself. Use all your opportunities and avenues. When you're young, it may not feel like it, but you have a lot of potential, opportunity, and energy. Take advantage of that.

Keeping Relationships Passionate

Part 1, about keeping relationships from getting boring and complacent.

Part 2, where I talk about how to keep women attracted to you in a relationship and how to keep things exciting. Part 3 coming soon.

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