Most guys, chumps and rockstar seducers both, want to have love in their lives. They want to give love or receive love; often both. Chumps typically operate with a Disney fantasy of love: "I'll meet a special woman and we'll get married and be happy forever." Many players either fuck lots of chicks in order to fill that uneasy lack of love in their lives, or with the idea that eventually they'll "settle down" after they've fucked X number of women. But even players often believe that they have to some day cave to the culturally accepted definition of love (= monogamy). Even guys who practice polyamory tend to have a "primary" (the girl they "love") and then a bunch of fuck buddies or secondary women. This is often wrapped up with an M/W complex.
The common concepts of what love is have been cooked into you since the day you were born by your family, TV, friends, and society at large. You have been exposed to the propaganda for SO LONG that these common ideals are assumed to be cosmic truths. But this is exactly the same as a person who has been trained to believe in God all their lives. For them it's an utter and complete truth that's beyond proof or logic. But the point I'm making is that everything you believe about love was programmed into you by other people. With a lot of time and hard work, it's possible to UNPROGRAM those ideas.
I don't want to be in a mono relationship, ever. I don't want kids. I tried a monogamous relationship once for the experience of it. It was "nice", but not something I want to do again. There is literally nothing from my mono days that I feel I am missing now. In fact, I am happier, healthier, and have a much richer and diverse lifestyle (hobbies, missions, people, etc.). Every single time I've ever considered monogamy in my future, I've realized that I have no need or logical reason for it. It's entirely as a result of the programming I suffered, and those instincts are so deeply ingrained that they keep cropping up, telling me that something is wrong if I don't go with the flow.
I'm not scarred; I have no lingering emotional issues that I'm suffering from (and I'm the first person to call myself out on my own bullshit). I don't hate women; I love them. I don't believe in "sluts" or "whores". I was telling a mutual friend about my most recent lay, and he made some comments about how she was "crazy" and has been with a lot of guys. I had to strongly resist laughing in his face over how irrelevant that was. I have fucked both "madonnas" and "whores", and there's zero difference between them other than a random assortment of coincidences that have made them who they are today. A couple slight differences in how my life went and I might still be a virgin today; that wouldn't make me a "better" person.
I have a fuck-ton of love in my life. From my family, from my friends, and from the women I see. And I love all of them back. I have friends who hate each other, but I love each one individually, and they fully realize that their drama has zero effect on me. They've given up on feeling offended over who I spend my time with. I love every single woman I am with, even if it's for only one night. I don't act like an aloof asshole. I don't have anything to prove. I don't "fuck and dump" women in order to punish them as a gender or something. Whether I'm with a woman for only one night, or as an FB, or in a polyamorous relationship, I love them. I'm extremely affectionate and generous. But I don't cling to women at all. Clinginess does not = love. Clinginess is about insecurity, desperation, and a LACK of love. Men with lots of love have zero fear about losing any given woman.
Love is something that you ARE. It's not something that you only have as long as someone is actively giving it to you. Likewise it's not something you have to constantly give out in order to prove to yourself that you have it. Guys who desperately seek love in the form of attention and sex (eg. narcissists), and guys who desperately throw it out for free (eg. co-dependents) both do so because they don't have it in their lives. I'm immensely positive and joyful towards the people in my life. People sometimes think I'm gay because of how over-the-top positive I am. Or if they're cynical people they may think I'm faking it to get something out of them. But the fact is that my life is an endless fountain of overflowing love. I now know intuitively that love is an infinite thing. I never have to worry about "losing" it, because it's literally impossible to do.
So when it comes to women and relationships, I make choices that fit in with my life plan and optimize my happiness. I have no interest in doing what other people say is the "right thing." More often than not though, people accept me for who I am. I suffer very little drama, because women know that shit tests just plain don't work on me. If ever I feel even SLIGHTLY unhappy in my relationship with a woman, I Next her, instantly, pure and simple. There's no confusion or emotional turmoil or drama. When I advise guys to permanently Next a woman for a minor shit test, I'm not being glib. I'm being serious as fuck. If you're posting about a relationship issue online, then you're way past the point when you should have Nexted her.
I hate reading main stream articles about love. They always talk about "challenges" and "compromise" and "accepting the bad with the good" and "working for the relationship" and all this other stupid bullshit. Basically they make the point that some amount of misery is required in order to be happy and to have love. That makes no sense to me. I challenge myself when I exercise. I challenge myself in the skills and hobbies and missions in my life. But love isn't a muscle or a skill. It's a thing that simply exists. You just have to be completely open to it.
Nearly every post I read about a guy's relationship with a woman invariably drips with fear. No matter how indifferent the guy tries to sound, you can hear the tremor in his words. "Yeah, I know I could Next her, but...." or "Well, everything is really great except...". These are guys who are scared. Scared that the woman (or women) they're with are the last ones they'll ever meet. And guys who clearly don't have loving relationships with people they aren't fucking (friends and family). If you start with zero love in your life, and then learn seduction skills, you are about 1% on the road to having a life full of love. If you have perfect relationship management skills, that's maybe 25%. Throw awesome social skills in their, that's another 25%. But unless you genuinely FEEL love for all the people in your life, and freely except it from everyone around you, you will never quite reach 100%. You will always feel like you're faking it, and like there's something lacking. And as long as you live so defensively, like you have to hide and protect what little love is in your heart, you will never allow more of it pour in.
And that's what it is: Allowing love. You have to allow it in your life. It's not "beta". You're not being a "pussy". My friends all thing I'm a huge fucking badass, despite how positive and silly I can be. Allowing love in your life doesn't make you a weaker man. I've broken concrete with my hands. I have the skill to kill someone with my hands in a few seconds. I've badly injured people in my lifetime, both physically and emotionally. I know what it feels like and I have to accept that is a part of my history. I don't feel guilty about it though. I choose not to. And despite the many many mistakes I have made and will probably continue to make, I still feel I am 100% deserved of love. You have to honestly believe that you deserve it in order to have it.
So stop worrying about what is the "right way" to live life and experience love. Stop making decisions based on fear and insecurity. Stop letting women dictate the parameters of your relationships. Stop thinking that love is only something that's experienced in the bedroom. Start believing that Love is ever-present and infinite. Start believing that you fully deserve it. Start believing that you can freely give it without ever running out. Open yourself fully to it.
