Introduction and Rule 1
Rules 3 through 5
Rules 8 and 9
Final notes and general guidelines on having awesome relationships (don't skip this vid; it's not just a summary).
Also, for your reference, here's my latest version of the rules that I wrote:
0.) I revoke rule zero. After years of doing this, when I break the rules it STILL fucks me up. There's just never a good reason for it.
1.) Time spent together
FB - Once a week.
MLTR - Once a week. Maybe occasionally twice. If you're seeing her any more often, then you're either not serious about being polyamorous or you have far too much free time. Invest in yourself.
LTR - However often you want, but make sure you dedicate plenty of time to yourself! Have activities that let you interact with other women. Don't let your LTR be your only source of affection/validation.
FB - Sex ONLY. Ideally you want her initiating most of the time. If you find yourself chasing her too much, Next her.
MLTR - You should communicate a little less often than she does, but don't get in a habit of ignoring her too often (unless you Next her). DO cut off threads of conversation that go on too long or enter into LTR territory. If she doesn't get the hint, zero radio silence for a couple days. Reconnect like nothing's wrong.
LTR - However often but make sure there are times when you are unreachable (because of hobbies/work).
3.) Sharing personal info
FB - Don't answer personal questions, except where they effect her directly (STDs etc.). She is not your girlfriend!
MLTR - When sharing personal info, do it in small doses. Always leave her hungering for more.
LTR - Make sure you're constantly developing yourself, so that there's always something new to share with her. Avoid being held accountable for every aspect of your life.
4.) Don't talk about the other women you're fucking, except abstractly or via rich descriptions. No matter how cool she seems to be about polyamory, don't talk about who else you're fucking (unless it's a sexual fetish for her).
5.) Non-sex time
FB - Don't hang out with her outside of the bedroom. If you run into her, treat her like you would any other woman. Onlookers should not be able to tell that you're fucking her. No dates!
MLTR - A "date" counts as time spent together, as pertains to rule 1. Most dates should end in sex. If she withdraws sex (for no good reason), Next her for at least a week. If she does it again, Next permanently.
LTR - Make sure you keep fucking her regularly and often. If EITHER of you reduces the sex, Next her.
6.) Frame - Maintain the same frame as when you met her. Every time you change your frame because of her, you are giving away your power. If you develop one-itis, Next and GFTOW. Here are some example frames:
FB: "I'm a badboy who loves sex. The ONLY guarantee you'll get from me is tons of hot orgasms."
MLTR: "I love women. They are amazing creatures. When I'm with you, I'm with YOU. As long as you treat me well I will be very generous. But if you EVER take me for granted or give me any bullshit, I will move on. I will only be with you as long as it's immensely positive for BOTH OF US."
LTR: "I am the captain of this ship. I have a mission in life, and have chosen for you to be the woman to support me. In exchange I promise our lives together will be amazing. You know as well as I do that I can easily meet an equally wonderful woman who'd enjoy this adventure with me, so you'll have to prove to me every day that you are worth it. As long as that's the case I will never take you for granted and I will perform my manly duty to the fullest."
Notice how each frame is incompatible with certain types of relationships. One, HAVE a frame. Two, STICK to it.
FB - If she asks for monogamy, Next her. Do NOT upgrade to MLTR in this case; it is a steep and slippery slope.
MLTR - If she demands monogamy, Next her. If she talks about it abstractly, deal with like you would a shit test.
LTR - Monogamy must be clearly stated. Hold one another accountable for the rules that are in place. This means that if you fuck up and she calls you on it, you have to THANK her for it. Any other reaction (arguing) will cause you to lose power and will hurt the relationship.
8.) Fuck her good and hard. Hot sex is the most vital aspect of ANY relationship with a woman. Many problems stem from lack of sex, and can be resolved by good sex.
9.) Make sure she's holding up her end of the relationship. "Put her to do things for you" (cr. Franco). Make sure she's investing at least as much into it as you do, preferably more. If she ever drops the ball, next her.
When selecting women:
Sex drive - If her sex drive is low, do NOT get into MLTR or LTR. FB is ok if you can accept seeing her only once or twice a month.
Self esteem - if her self esteem is anything other than high, do NOT get into an MLTR or LTR. FB is ok if you can deal with her emotions.
Freaks are only suitable for FB. Materialistas (gold diggers) are OK for MLTR as long as she knows you will never become her sugar daddy (ie. she fucks you while dating other rich guys).
These characteristics take a while to screen, so START at an FB relationship and slowly upgrade your way to whatever level you're ultimately looking for. DECIDE AHEAD OF TIME WHAT YOU WANT.
If you're dating a woman who has a boyfriend and she Nexts him, downgrade or Next her immediately. She WILL try to have you fill his spot. Other than that, boyfriends don't matter at all. Married women should only be FBs.
In a relationship:
- Have zero expectations of her. If you EVER feel disappointed, it's because of your expectations. If she doesn't hold up her end of the relationship, you don't get upset; you punish her or Next her.
- Always remain positive. You can have bad moods, but don't let her see them. Your duty is to LEAD the relationship in a positive direction. Her job is to support you (via sex, cooking, etc.), NOT to coddle your shitty emotions. If you need to unwind, get a beer with some guy friends. Never ever act out of spite!! If you feel the desire to spite her, ADMIT to it and then talk about it, then return to a positive place.
- Don't react emotionally. This means don't argue when you're angry. It also means not to make hasty decisions because you feel happy (eg. upgrading her for free after a mind-blowing sex session). Be aware of your emotions; don't ignore them or block them out. Share your positive emotions with her (via laughter, touching, genuine compliments, etc.).
- Always be busy with things you enjoy and that matter to you. You love your life and are choosing to allow her a place in it. Her being with you should ENRICH her.
- Always lead. It's OK to ask for or accept her suggestions. Don't get lazy or complacent. Be the one to make difficult relationship choices. It's OK to delegate decision-making power to her in certain areas (like cooking). But she should always know that you're ultimately in charge.
- Do not be fearful. Don't cling to her out of a fear of loss. Don't make poor decisions because of fear. If you ever recognize that you feel afraid, FORCE yourself to confront it (this may mean nexting her). Do NOT be afraid of communication. Always talk open and honestly with her, even if it may mean losing her.
- Realize that at any moment you may lose her. The relationship should always be positive for the both of you. If it's not then Next her. This doesn't mean being emotionally detached. It means cherish every moment that you are with her and make sure she feels that.
- Don't look for her validation. Make sure you have enough priorities and friends in your life that you feel validated. Give HER validation. If you do this right, she will become addicted to it, and you can punish her simply by removing affection. This is far more effective than arguing, which actually rewards her.
The rules can seem heavy-handed. But if you look at many if not most relationships, they are full of drama and negativity. It is your duty as the man to make your relationships incredible. A woman will naturally test you. That is her nature! Embrace your masculinity and let it drive you to ever better relationships and an ever happier life. Embrace femininity, for if you weren't totally addicted to the beautiful and intoxicating creatures that women are, you wouldn't be on this journey in the first place.