Oftentimes when we talk to people - when we try to meet women (or ladies trying to meet men) - we feel like we're pretending to be somebody else. I think that this develops naturally as we grow older. We develop different personae for ourselves: We have a work persona, a persona for our close friends, a persona for our acquaintances, a persona for strangers. It can feel a little schizophrenic that we have all these different personalities that we've developed for different avenues. In all those personalities we don't really feel like we're being ourselves (except maybe with our really close friends).
It can be difficult to break down those habits and to acknowledge the fact that these people you're pretending to be are not really you. Let me give some examples. I enjoy playing tabletop games: Roleplaying, board games, etc. Some might think it's really nerdy, but I love talking about that stuff with everybody - women or other people. If that conversation comes up, I talk about it passionately. I'm not shy or embarrassed about it. I talk about it with excitement and with confidence. I make direct eye contact and I show clearly that it's something that's important to me that I enjoy. When I talk about one of my hobbies - like tabletop gaming - the person who's listening can't help but feel and share in that passion. It makes them feel more connected to me. Also they feel more comfortable talking about their passions, something they wouldn't normally reveal because they feel it's too personal or they didn't think I'd be into their unique hobby or interest.
I talk about this to women too. A lot of guys feel that women don't want to know about their weird hobbies or dorky love of comic books or anime. But as long as you talk about it passionately with excitement and confidence, she's going to be attracted to you because you're a person with passions and things that matter to you. I've had plenty of women participate or watch me play tabletops games and we always have a lot of fun. When I talk about it I emphasize how it's really cool to connect with a group of people with a shared passion and to have a creative outlet. I express it in a way that explains all the positives that I get out of my hobby. In that way she can appreciate it more. Then they feel more comfortable talking about the things they enjoy, rather than putting on a persona when talking to someone they're not that comfortable with.
In terms of being comfortable in your own skin, you can't be embarrassed or shy about the things that matter to you. You want to express them comfortably, confidently, and without embarrassment. Maybe some people won't be able to understand or won't be able to appreciate that. That's OK. Those are people that maybe don't have a place in your life. It's important to be able to tell if the person you're speaking with and that you could potentially have a friendship or relationship with is somebody who clicks with you. Personally I find that most people that I talk to, when I express myself genuinely and passionately and confidently, they accept it and in fact may develop an interest in it. Because if I'm talking about something I'm interested in, and I express all the awesome and exciting parts about it, it makes them think, "oh that sounds really cool; maybe I want to explore this."
This can be true of anything: A sport, an artistic thing, any kind of hobby. Don't hide those things. They're what make you interesting. So when you meet someone - maybe for guys who struggle to talk with women - talk about what makes you excited. Talk about what DRIVES you. Don't fall on the boring banalities: Hi, what's your name, where are you from. Those are really boring. I'm sitting in a bar and there's a woman next to me, and you know how sometimes bars will be playing random movies in the background. Last time I was in a bar they were playing "Neverending Story", so I just started talking about that with the women I was with. We had a hilarious conversation about it. It's a kids' movie, but so what. I love Lion King and Aladdin and all those adorable movies, and I can recite lines. I used to be a kid and I used to love those movies. And I still do. That's not something for me to be embarrassed about. If I talk about my love of Disney movies, I'm 95% guaranteed that the woman I'm talking with is going to say, "Oh my God I love that movie too!" That's an instant easy connection.
That's something you can bring up at any point. If you're talking to a new woman, there's something about her that will remind you of something like that. Maybe she's got an article of clothing that reminds you of an animal from a movie and you can talk about that. Then it will segway to all the things you liked as a kid, things you like now, and it just builds naturally. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about the kinds of things that pop in your head. Just express them, and if you click, fantastic. If you don't click, that's good to know too. You don't want to waste a lot of time trying to meet a woman who you don't get along with. The sooner you genuinely unleash yourself, the sooner you tell them what you're about - your passions, hobbies, interests, and all the things that drive you - the sooner you'll know whether you and this person click or not.
That saves you a lot of time, and lets you feel more comfortable. It lets you enjoy those connections with people, because you have a conversation that matters to you, that you're excited about, and into. Then they can share their passions, and very soon you're having an actual intimate conversation. This is a great way to meet people: Just really talking about the things that drive you and that you're passionate about. Next time you're talking to someone, a stranger, and you're struggling to connect (you're talking about the weather or something really boring), look around, look at them, see if something in your surroundings (maybe something they say or something they're wearing) reminds you of something. As soon as it does just say, "hey, that reminds me of something kinda dorky, but I want to tell you about it, because it's something cool for me." Try it.
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