Hi guys. I hope your holidays were super fun and joyful! Mine were quiet and lazy, just the way I like them.
The title of this video is "Live for Yourself". Before I get going, I want to point out that I'm not talking about being selfish or self-centered. I like being generous, and I love making others happy. However I couldn't do that until I became a joyful person myself. And that's the essence of what I want to talk about. You have strive to make yourself a happy person before you can make others happy. You have to provide for yourself before you can provide for others.
The holidays are a convenient example. I saw a lot of people running around worrying about getting their "shopping" done on time. They were concerned about not getting gifts for all of the people in their lives. I realize that some people enjoy giving gifts, but most of the time when I hear about it, it sounds like a chore: Something they HAVE to do. And if they don't do it, they lose social status. So it's not about giving joy so much as meeting expectations.
I don't participate in any of that. I like giving gifts, but only when I choose to. I prefer to give to people in meaningful ways. I do that by making my life as fulfilling as possible for me, and then making others a part of it. I pursue things that are fun and meaningful to me and invite others to participate in those things. People spend time with me because I enrich them and I make them feel good. They don't get mad when I don't get them stuff, because they don't have that kind of expectation from me.
Some people feel like in order to meet people, they have to offer something. That might mean buying drinks or gifts. It might mean showing off your financial status with the suggestion that you would spend money on them in exchange for their affection. In Western Society, it's pretty much accepted that a man has to buy a woman chocolate, jewelry, perfume, etc. on her birthday, Valentines day, Christmas, and so on. Your value to a potential mate is reduced to how much you're willing to spend on her. Expressing "love" to a person means buying them something.
If you subscribe to that notion though, you will live a life of expectations. That means either you'll meet an expectation, or you disappoint a person. You're not creating joy. You're just trying to avoid anger and resentment. And you rarely experience real happiness. That happiness comes from expressing yourself and your humanity. It comes from enriching your soul. It comes from trying new things, and learning, and doing the things you love and being with people who appreciate you and living life to the fullest.
Before you start bringing other people into your life, you have to make yourself a person who is worth spending time with (beyond your wallet). Be someone who is fun and fascinating. Do that by discovering things that genuinely excite you. Make your own life joyful, and then others will want to be a part of it. Instead of chasing after people and trying to trick them or convince them to spend time with you, THEY will instead make the effort to be with YOU. You are a person who is worthy of love and happiness. Accept that. Make it true.
I hope you have a lovely New Years. Mine is going to be full of fun and adventure. Till next year!
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